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Gift Giving
12-12-2016
‘Tis the season of gift giving: from Black Friday to Boxing Day consumerism reigns unchecked. Harried shoppers swarm the malls like locusts vainly seeking out the perfect presents. Even Muslims can’t escape the frenzy as we snatch up bargains to stash away for upcoming weddings or hostess gifts.
In Seth Godin’s book, “Linchpin”, he argues that modern society has gift giving all wrong. Using First Nation’s potlatches as illustration, he shows how tribal leaders established prestige by literally giving everything away. They could afford to give hundreds of allies from neighbouring villages gifts because they were so powerful and the gifts served as proof of that power. Any chief who hoarded items selfishly, saw his reputation and respect quickly diminish. The potlatch system optimized the benefits of reciprocity to build interdependency. Potlatches were not transactions where one hoped to gain advantage; they demonstrated trust and reliance among the various tribes.
But as societies moved away from bartering and exchange, the use of money flipped the way we look at gifts. The person who received the most gifts began to hold the power. To receive a gift made you a king, a rich person, someone worth currying favour with. Now it feels totally appropriate that people in power are pandered to. A gift given to a wealthy or influential person naturally needs to reflect his lofty status. It would be embarrassing to disrespect a superior by giving an inferior gift. This is a fairly recent behaviour. Power used to be about giving, not getting.
The same reciprocity that united First Nation tribes has mutated the gift system into the gift economy. Suddenly, giving a gift becomes an obligation, a duty, a social norm—not a gift at all. The magic of the old gift system was that the gift was voluntary, not part of a contract. The gift used to bind the recipient to the giver, and both of them to the community.
Godin says capitalism has taught us that every transaction has to be fair, an even trade for goods or services. In capitalism almost every element of life centers on commerce. If you do something, you do it for money, or because it will eventually lead to money. Gifts have been relegated to cash substitutes. If I give you a gift, the only apparent reason is to get you to reciprocate; if not now, then later. It’s like bribing you with cash, but under social graces. These types of false gifts create a sense of frustration, of one up-manship that never ceases.
True gifts don’t demand reciprocation, and according to Godin, the best kinds are gifts of art. By art Godin doesn’t mean classical art such as paintings, music, poetry or dance. Instead he believes, “Art is anything that’s creative, passionate, and personal. Art is about intent and communication, not substances. An artist is someone who uses bravery, insight, creativity, and boldness to challenge the status quo. The medium doesn’t matter, the intent does. Art is a personal act of courage, something one human does that creates change in another.” Art is always a product of emotional labour and it is always a gift.
The winners are once again the artists who give gifts. When your friend gives advice, he doesn’t charge you an hourly fee. The gift of his time, attention and insight is just that—a gift. As a result, the bond between you strengthens. Giving of yourself makes you indispensable. Attention is precious, and if you’re willing to trade your attention for my idea, we both thrive. The act of being generous as you interact with others benefits everyone.
There are various forms of equity, and few of them involve cash. We forget when we invest time or resources into someone’s success or happiness, and our payment is a share of that outcome, we become partners, bonded together by the gift of devoting ourselves. The essence of any gift, including the gift of emotional labour, is that you don’t do it for a tangible, guaranteed reward. If you do, it’s no longer a gift; it’s a job or a duty.
What kind of gifts are you giving? Are you brave enough to give of yourself? To give your all and hold nothing back – a personal potlatch of attention, creativity, and emotion?
Zainab Dhanani can be reached at z_dhanani@yahoo.ca
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