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Anxiety in Children
10-17-2017
Many families have now settled into their daily school routine and for a significant number of children and youth that means heightened anxiety. Adults are often nostalgic about their younger years and we pretend that being in school is just one carefree day after another. Oh, to be a child again—no worries, no pressures, no stress. No way! From an adult perspective the woes of an elementary or high school student may seem insignificant and short-term, but for a child or youth in the midst of trying to find their identity, fitting in with their peer group, pleasing their parents and teachers, and concentrating on studying and getting good marks - school can be full of stress.
A 2009 report on the State of Public Health in Canada states that 6.4% of children ages five to seventeen have a diagnosed anxiety disorder. If your child complains of headaches, stomach aches, muscle tension, trouble sleeping, dizziness, shortness of breath, difficulty concentrating, racing heart, crying or irritability; and you’ve ruled out other causes, investigate whether your child is suffering from excessive anxiety.
An excellent place to begin in a quest to understand childhood anxiety is Anxiety BC http://www.anxietybc.com/parent/index.php. You’ll find a wealth of information, advice and resources. Here are some thoughts gleaned from the site to help parents and caregivers address the issue of anxiety.
Listen: Take the time to listen to your child’s thoughts and feelings. Simply having one’s feelings validated can provide some relief. Your child’s fears about losing friends, doing well academically, and feeling safe are as emotional and real to him as your worries over divorce, unemployment, and keeping your family secure.
Normalize: Anxiety is normal. Everyone experiences it at different times—in new situations, before an exam, with strangers. Let your child know she is not alone. Lots of children have problems with anxiety and learn to control it. Anxious children often feel that everyone else overflows with confidence and they are defective.
Educate: Anxiety serves an important purpose. It helps us prepare for real danger or performing at our best. Anxiety triggers a “fight-flight-freeze” response and gets our body ready to take action. It can become a problem when the alarm signal is too sensitive causing an overreaction. Anxiety is normal, harmless, temporary and manageable.
Model: Children learn through practice. Role-play how to face fears and solve problems. Be an anxiety reduction coach. Teach coping techniques to manage anxiety such as calm breathing, muscle relaxation, realistic thinking, and challenging scary thoughts.
Avoid Excessive Reassurance: As difficult as it is, especially when your child is scared or nervous, resist giving excessive reassurance. You want him to learn how to cope on his own. Teach him to reflect on the situation and answer his own questions. Explain what you do when facing challenges and help him brainstorm a plan to deal with his situation. Encouraging independence doesn’t mean you can’t be supportive, but it means he must learn how to rely on himself.
Praise: Changing behaviours and facing fears is not easy. Give praise for efforts and help your child measure her growth and progress. Remember you are asking her to fight against an instinctual response to danger. Recognize her bravery and celebrate small victories.
Provide Structure: Anxious children cherish a sense of control. They feel calmer when they have predictability in their life, they know what is expected of them, and they know what the consequences will be. Setting limits and establishing effective routines provides structure for children to develop within. Don’t be afraid to impose consequences for misbehaviour. An anxious child sometimes needs to test your boundaries in order to verify that you truly are dependable and reliable. Be loving but firm.
Make it physical: Anxiety takes a toll on the body often resulting in aches and pains. Your child may feel “tired all the time”. Even though it seems counterintuitive, exercise reduces stress and revitalizes the body. Set up routines that get the whole family moving. Furthermore, anxious children often have poor eating habits. They forget to eat, don't feel hungry, or have upset stomachs and rarely eat large full meal. Let your child graze on frequent, nutritious snacks. Whenever possible, eat together as a family and take time to share the pleasures and pitfalls of the day.
Most importantly, take stock of your own daily habits and ways of coping with your anxiety. Use the coping strategies to benefit from your own anxiety and share appropriate examples with your child. Anxiety is tool to be used to keep us safe and push us farther. Together, parent and child, embrace it, control it, and grow from it.
Zainab Dhanani wishes all students and their families a smooth school year. She can be reached at z_dhanani@yahoo.ca
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