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Humble Inquiry
10-03-2018
In my quest to finish reading my bookshelf, this week I turn to “Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling” by organizational psychologist Edgar H. Schein. At its essence, the book is about how to build relationships through listening, specifically through using the technique of Humble Inquiry, which is described as “the fine art of drawing someone out, of asking questions to which you do not already know the answer, of building a relationship based on curiosity and interest in the other person.” Humble Inquiry is when anyone in a position of authority such as a manager, teacher, or parent takes the vulnerable step of revealing his dependency on his followers with authentic humbleness. Through “accessing one’s ignorance” of self, others, and the situation, decisions can be made that simultaneously strengthen the relationships between everyone involved and lead to successful task completion.
Schein notes that today’s competitive culture, while seemingly increasing productivity, does so at great cost. From boardrooms and staff rooms of organizations of all sizes, in volunteer community groups, and even at the family dinner table we have been acculturated to think and act in specific ways according to our position, status, and cultural and personal histories. All to often, we operate on tacit assumptions about what is the “right” way to act without examining our multitude of taken-for-granted expectations. Often, we don’t even notice these “operating instructions” until we think they have been violated.
For Schein, one of the most damaging implicit beliefs of modern Western society is that we value task achievement more than relationship building. His premise is that as tasks become more complex and interdependent the need for leaders who know how to build positive and trusting relationships that supersede traditional ways of interacting is paramount. Furthermore, the way to strengthening relationships is open communication, without which organizations and groups of all types can be neither effective nor safe. When subordinates do not feel comfortable bringing bad news to their leaders or when they’ve tried but were ignored or berated, they settle for risky alternatives and piecemeal solutions. This creates a climate of distrust, antagonism, and doing the least amount of work possible.
The key is for leaders to model a new way of interacting. We need to step out of the space of “knowing” and “telling” into a place of genuine curiosity regarding the experience of other people, not just in terms of task completion, quality control, and obedience but also in terms of how the person sees herself in the role and views her relationships. This requires a shift in attitude from people in positions of power. Specifically, Schein suggests we do three things: less telling; more asking in the particular form of Humble Inquiry; and consciously being better listeners and acknowledgers.
He goes on to explain, “Telling puts the other person down. It implies that the other person does not already know what I am telling and that the other person ought to know it.” Telling, whether in the form of demands or advice, discounts the capabilities of the other person. On the other hand, asking with empathetic interest empowers that person and temporarily makes the questioner vulnerable. Schein views asking as implying “that the other person knows something that I need to or want to know. It draws the other person into the situation and into the driver’s seat; it enables the other person to help or hurt me and, thereby, opens the door to building a relationship.” Relationship building involves investment in the other person. Questions convey the implicit message that “I value what you say and honour you as a person who holds information that I do not have access to.”
Humble Inquiry has no predetermined list of questions. It’s not a formulaic approach. The role of the leader is to make the other person feel psychologically safe in order to reveal the information that really matters. If the leader uses this information to inflict hurt or exploit the person in any manner, then trust will be lost and the relationship damaged, sometimes irrevocably. Humble Inquiry relies on having a pure intent of improving relations – not of accomplishing tasks by any means necessary.
This book is full of practical strategies to improve communication such as slowing down, suspending judgment, and accessing the artist within. If there are relationships in your life, including your relationship to yourself, which you would like to improve, read “Humble Inquiry.”
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